apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
