Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
