great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
