8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
