WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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