I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
