also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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