I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
