I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
