dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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