3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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