I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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