So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
