He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't turn off my feet"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
