After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
