If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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