Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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