Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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