The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
