Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
