Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
