so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
