My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
