2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
