i don't like sucking hair
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
