I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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