i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How's work?
Spinning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
