six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
