I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
