Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You smell like stripper and shame
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
