She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
