it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
