talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
