piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
