i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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