I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
