Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
