Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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