U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
