I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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