That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
