Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
