Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
