Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
