I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
