ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
