My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
