Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
