so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
