apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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